That was a full TWO years ago.
And this week, I turned 29.
Which wasn't as traumatic and anxiety-provoking as I thought it would be.
For my entire life, I've been a planner.
And a dreamer.
I've had ideas about where I imagine I'd be in...5 years...10 years...
At 25. At 30.
And the conflict between my inner expectations and my actual life creates some anxiety for me.
But...today...I don't necessarily feel badly about my life choices or where I'm at.
I think this year has been HUGELY impactful in my personal outlook.
this photo was taken just before my 28th birthday
I actually felt pretty good after seeing this photo because I was in the process of starting to lose weight. And I actually don't look THAT big in this photo compared to what I USED to look like. I actually think you can see in my posture in this photo that I feel pretty good about myself.
This year has been a huge journey, and I think that my biggest progress and changes have been obvious:
1. My health
2. My relationship
This photo was taken on my 29th birthday.
As much PHYSICAL change has occurred, the MENTAL changes have been far greater.
Anyone who has lost a large amount of weight will tell you that it's incredibly challenging, mentally.
You get to the bottom of WHY you became obese. This clarity doesn't come from dieting and exercise.
And let me tell you---it's exhausting.
And let me also say, you will NEVER maintain your progress without MENTAL WORK.
EMOTIONAL work.
SOUL SEARCHING.
Which is a JOB in and of itself, but it has made me incredibly HAPPY.
I am able to HAPPILY pose next to my GORGEOUS friends and NOT feel like a WHALE.
I cannot convey enough how FREEING it is to STOP WORRYING about how you look.
Friends and co-workers have called me "nuts" and "over the top"when it comes to this stuff.
But the physical work of making good choices and staying fit...
are NOTHING compared to the PIT in your stomach when you feel GROSS.
Honestly. I would feel like I was crawling out of my skin.
...and the people that comment about my choices have probably never felt that way.
But the fact remains, I am THRILLED with the changes I have made.
The weight (ha) has been lifted. I no longer feel the need to constantly adjust my clothing.
To HIDE.
Do you know how many times in 29 years I've been told I have such a pretty face?
Every time, it was like a punch to the stomach.
Not a compliment.
No one says that to me anymore. No one.
And then there's Brian.
We were already back together at my birthday last year. Well, not officially. But dating and re-building.
We have both grown this year.
We resolve conflict better, communicate better, compromise better.
He has expanded his horizons. I have learned patience and to relax.
Giving up my "dream" of being married before 30 has allowed me to build a truly lasting relationship, and it has decreased my stress.
I won't lie--I wouldn't HATE being engaged by 30.
But that remains to be seen.
So I find myself at 29.
Happy. About to settle in with my boo. Working on the last stages of weight loss. Trying to save money. Growing professionally.
And I'm thinking...I'm still a work in progress.
But this has been a year WELL SPENT!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment