Blog Therapy

I've decided to share this journey with my friends out there in the blogosphere. It really does make me feel better to share how I feel about these recent events in my life.

So...my last blog post was composed around 430 am this morning. I followed it up with 3 straight hours of sobbing. Then I fell asleep sitting up and was able to rest up a bit. And I woke up this morning, sad...but ready to lean on some close friends and get some comfort and perspective.

And I put on my hoodie, yoga pants, fuggs and no makeup (the depression wardrobe!!!) and ventured out to see two of my best friends. Talking to Trish (who tried to feed me pumpkin flavored blondie brownies---I did eat a bite--delicious!) definitely made me feel that I made the right decision. Sometimes you just need a good friend to be a mirror and remind you that the decision you're making, although difficult, is the right one.

Next I headed over to Rachael's, where she fed me soup. (I know it sounds like I'm eating constantly, but trust me---one bite of brownie and a can of soup are all I'd eaten in 24 hours)

She provided her usual un-biased perspective, of course reminding me to take care of myself...

I guess sometimes you just need someone to listen to you...to vent...to cry...and to figure out that maybe you'll be ok one day. Since today, it doesn't feel like it.

And I told my love that I felt that texting was a bad idea. He says he thinks there is hope for us to work this out (which is settling and unsettling all at the same time) and I told him we would talk in a month. So here I am, looking down the barrel of 4 weeks with no contact with the person I love. And I don't know what the outcome will be, but I hope to be a position of less emotion and more logic when I eventually DO talk to him about what we want.

In the meantime, my plan is as follows:

1) Throw myself into work. Remind myself that these children--that are born to be brave and to work for all they get--deserve the best of me. They deserve my smiles and enthusiasm, and I need to leave my emotional baggage at the door when I come to work.

2) Keep busy, especially on weekends.

3) Eat less & exercise--I have been meaning to do this more, and I feel it will help give me a sense of control.

4) Reach out when I need it.

During my breakup in 2008, I rarely reached out to friends, wanting to go through it alone. I have decided I need love and support this time, and will be depending on my friends and family to help me sort through these feelings.

5) Do my best to accept the things I cannot change.

I can only control myself.

I can make certain concessions, but there are non-negotiables here.

And love doesn't always conquer all.

But right now...I love him enough that I'd be willing to work on a lot of things.

Time.will.tell.