New Dietary Obsessions

Caution: Health/Weight-Loss Post Ahead.
(If you don't want to hear about foods that help you lose weight, stop reading now.)

I've been eating nuts or nut butter (in controlled amounts) every day. 

Citrus fruits help burn fat. Red grapefruits are so satisfying and juicy! 

I added beans. All kinds, but especially black beans. I read an article that beans burn fat AND that you only absorb ~50% of the calories since they are high in fiber. They also add delicious texture and yummy-ness to so much stuff!!! 

I've added even more high fiber fruits and veggies. Especially celery, cantaloupe, spinach, apples, and blueberries. 

Several physician-sanctioned diets include the 90/10 rule, which means that no more than 10% of daily calories should come from meat/dairy/oils. I have not adopted this rule in the traditional sense but did apply it to dairy/oils. I have cut down my dairy significantly. And it seems to be working.

We'll see how it goes. I'm home sick with a nasty cold that seems to have evolved into an ear infection. I haven't worked out in 3 days, I feel like a slug. I'm HOPING to not gain weight. My plan is to weigh in on Friday, December 7th.

Also, stay tuned...I'm thinking of moving my final goal lower. AGAIN. But I'm not officially changing it yet.


Pounds lost: 67
Pounds to original goal: 3
Pounds to final goal: 13

What I'm Thankful For...

Thanksgiving Day, 2012. 

So much that I am grateful for this year. It's been a year of changes and transition for me.                                                    

And it's a day of reflection. To appreciate all I have. (I feel like I don't do this enough.)
Everyday frustrations make it easy to miss the big picture.
And my big picture is KICK.ASS.

1. I am thankful for my family. I am lucky to have parents who are still in love and supportive of each other. I am thrilled to watch my little brother become a grown man---it's amazing sometimes how far he has come. And I am so, so, so, lucky to still have my sweet Grampy. Alzheimer's has taken a lot from him--but I am blessed that he still recognizes me and still has his same happy-go-lucky personality. He is a hit at the nursing home. I know that he may not always know who I am. So every day is a gift.
And, on a lighter note, I am thankful to have an extended family that I can have fun with--not everyone chooses to spend time with their family, but I love mine!!!
'
                                                    />

                                     


                                      

2. I have AMAZING friends. 

I really believe that most people have not been lucky enough to have the type of friends that I have. It's so wonderful to have a network of people that I can turn to in both happiness and times of trouble. My friends have supported me through EVERYTHING this year. They honestly bring me so much joy.

3. I am thankful for my job. 

This has not been the easiest year. Lots of changes at work. More stress. But I still LOVE what I do. Every (or nearly every) single day! These kids are the light of my life.

4. I am thankful for Brian. 


I feel like we have both grown so much this year. It was not the easiest time for us about a year ago. But sometimes I think you need to take some time apart to come back together stronger. We are not perfect...but there is nobody else I see myself growing and moving forward with...and I think whenever ANYONE is lucky enough to have someone they love in their life--it's not something you take for granted.

5. I am BLESSED to have changed my life this year. 

I am thankful that on December 25, 2011 I made a choice. I decided to tackle my greatest demon. My biggest fear, challenge, hope, dream...you name it. 

Christmas 2011

And I'm also thankful that when I got on the scale this morning it said...

I am thankful to be 67 lbs. lighter than I was last Thanksgiving!!! Here's to the next year ahead! Hopefully full of more growth, hope, happiness and GRATITUDE than this one!! 

I KNOW THAT I AM LUCKY. I KNOW THAT I HAVE LOTS TO BE THANKFUL FOR. 

Happy Thanksgiving!!! (I'm cheating today.) 

Belated Halloween Fun & BINGE

On an awesome note: Lynne and Paul had a belated Halloween party!

Brian didn't want to be bacon. 

I didn't want to be a ghost OR a ghostbuster.

So...

The egg and the ghostbuster went together!!! 

Had a great time. Just Dance competitions, Rachael did her sexy dance, Adam dressed as Paul circa 1999 complete with giant leather jacket, Captain Obvious was labeling everything, and lots of yummy things to eat!

Which brings me to my next point...

I LOST CONTROL.

I saved 600-700 calories for Lynne's house. I knew I'd want to eat. I walked 5 miles yesterday. Ready to conquer the party and make good choices...

Here is what I ate: (I AM GOING TO BE HONEST EVEN THOUGH ITS EMBARRASSING)

-Veggies and Dip (lots)
-Cheese (lots)
-Brownie
-Marshmellow bar thing
-Cookie
-Kielbasa

I must have eaten like 1500 calories!!!! I went over by almost 1000 calories---basically, I fucked up.


I'm trying not to be hard on myself.

I'm going to work out today, just get back on the horse.

And HOPE that I did enough in this two week period to make up for what I might have UNDONE last night.

Ugh. We'll see.


BUT I HAD A GREAT TIME!!! :)

Shirataki it to me.

DISCOVERY OF THE WEEK:

SHIRATAKI NOODLES!!!

Available at: Dave's, Asian markets

Two varieties: made with Tofu (the ones I tried--40 calories for the WHOLE package!), made from Asian Yams (no calories--haven't tried these yet)

I made Asian stir-fry on Thursday with bean sprouts, garlic and mushrooms (soy sauce too!) with chicken and these noodles...DELICIOUS!!! 300 calories for the entire skillet full!

Today I did these with chicken broth and bean sprouts as a soup!


AMAZING! LOW CAL! You get super full, get a noodle fix.


One tip: Rinse well and pan roast (cook dry in a skillet) for a couple minutes before adding them to your dish.

ENJOY!!!




YOU'RE WELCOME. 

Judgment Day.

So today is the day. Weigh-in day. 

3 weeks of writing down everything I ate. 

Exercising 5 days weekly, no excuses. 

No random delicious shit. 

I was honestly TERRIFIED of what the scale would day. Scared that after my hard work, I wouldn't be rewarded. Wouldn't know where to go from here. Maybe feel like it wasn't worth it. 

BUT...

I lost 5 lbs!!! 

I really do carry weight EVERYWHERE. And you know where I noticed the loss the most this week? 

My FINGERS. 

This opal ring was my mom's. She gave it to me. It has NEVER, in the history of my life, FIT my ring finger. Only my chubby pinkie. I've always loved it but thought it looked silly on my pinkie. And now I can wear it!!! My ring finger used to be about an 8.5, and I'm pretty sure this ring is a 6.5 Yay!  

In un-related news...

Grampy was amazed by the fact that my IPhone takes pictures. 

So we took this one when I went to visit him last week! 

And the biggest news of the week...

My friend Annie left for Arkansas. :(

Overall, it's a great thing. She and her fiancee have a great new life waiting for them. 

And I'm so happy that she's happy. 

But...I already miss my friend!!! 

 (This is a cute pic of us in Plymouth. Except for the excess weight...wah wah wah)

Going to miss our shopping, venting/chats, coffee, adventures in Plymouth and running. 

But, like so many things, time moves us forward and things change. 

But now I have a long-distance friend and someone to visit in Arkansas. 

Good luck to Annie and Justin! See you soon!!! 

Kielbasa Pasta? Yes please!

I was talking to Brian the other day, and concluded that merging our tastes into one menu has definitely contributed to my weight gain.

I am constantly trying to find new things to cook for us. Making him try veggies. Finding ways to make meals balanced but palatable to both of us. Ugh. Difficult with a man who thinks Pasta Roni is a food group.

In what will come to be known as the "Pre-weight loss era" (a.k.a. when I was fatter), I cooked DELICIOUS and VERY unhealthy foods at times. Meatloaf sliders with cheese on potato buns...Chili cheese dip...pierogies sauted in butter...chocolate peanut butter truffles...(all so good. all so fattening.)

We even bought a deep fryer. (Sweet Jesus.)

One thing I started cooking this summer (when I was on a more...ahem..."relaxed" weight loss plan) was BOWTIE PASTA WITH KIELBASA.

I lightened the recipe, but its not exactly Lean Cuisine.

Brian has been requesting it for WEEKS.



So. I made it today.
ANNNNND officially counted the calories in it. (EEK)

Guess what?
ITS NOT THAT BAD FOR YOU!!! 


So I'm sharing the recipe below. It tastes like it has a LOT more calories than it does. Rich and delish!

BOWTIE KIELBASA PASTA

Ingredients: 
-1/2 box Barilla Plus Farfalle (I like Barilla because it has a higher protein content and better nutritional profile. Another option is Dreamfields low Gluten. That's good too.)
-1 jar of Classico LIGHT Alfredo sauce.
-1 large (15oz.) can of peas
-1 package turkey polska kielbasa
-1 cup chopped onions
-1 tbsp. olive oil (optional)

Start by browning onions over medium heat. (This is where the optional olive oil comes in. I didn't use it today, I used Pam instead. It adds ~30 calories/serving.) While onions are browning, cut up kielbasa.

Add Kielbasa to onions and cook for ~5-10 minutes over medium/high heat until the kielbasa is slightly reddened/browned.

Then, add the entire jar of sauce. Mix well. Reduce heat to low-medium and simmer ~10-15 minutes, covered, stirring often. Start boiling water for your pasta.

When you first add the alfredo sauce, the scent of cream/cheese is dominant in the pan. Once the mixture smells mostly like the kielbasa (10-15 minutes) you know it's ready to have the peas added.
Add the entire jar of peas. Put your pasta in the boiling water too.

Add 1/8 cup of water to the mixture and cover. Simmer over low-medium heat for 10 minutes, as the pasta cooks. When you drain pasta, remove sauce from heat and let sit for a couple minutes. Add drained pasta to the sauce and mix well together. Once mixed let sit 1 minute. Serve.

The finished product is delicious! Rich and filling. Here's the nutritional breakdown:

Yield is 4 servings (large portions--because that's what I like!!!! A smaller serving could easily be enough for someone else, especially if you add a veggie.)
525 calories/serving.
19 g. fat
30 g. protein

True, it's a little higher in fat than I'd typically eat...BUT...I find that the fat makes it very satisfying and filling. As part of a reduced fat diet it's ok to eat something with a little more fatty-ness to it! (At least that's how I feel!)


SERIOUSLY. If you like creamy pasta dishes and like kielbasa you will LOVE this! Just wanted to share! Happy Sunday!

What I'm Loving: October Edition

A 3-week push towards fitness impacts my life in the following ways:

1. I don't drink at all (And therefore have no funny stories about the Betty Whites)
2. I don't eat any new delicious meals to share.
3. I am boring.

Hence, the reason why I haven't posted in 2 weeks.

BUT, in response to a request from Lane, I decided to post SOMETHING.

Starting with an update about the aforementioned 3-week push; I weigh in next Friday. I'm getting nervous/excited. I'm DEFINITELY smaller. So I'm partly excited to see the results, partly nervous that they won't be what I've hoped. Looking back at my food diary, the accountability has been amazing. It's definitely resulted in eating less and making better choices. So we will see what happens on Friday.


I figure I can do a little piece-meal post about what I'm loving lately...

Skinny Vanilla Lattes from Starbucks

*130 Calories for a Grande
It's a delicious way to bridge the gap when I'm hungry but not starving and want something to sip on. Pumpkin Lattes from Dunkin (my fave) are not available sugar free, so this is a better option!!! I'm also enjoying Bailey's Pumpkin Spice creamer, which is 35 calories/TBSP and delicious!!!

Light Butter with Canola Oil

I'm a believer in "real" foods.  Margarine is full of processed nonsense that your body doesn't even recognize. Your liver spends so much time trying to filter out the crap that you're not metabolizing the real stuff properly. Therefore, I like that this is "real" butter, but lightened up! The canola oil makes it spreadable, but when it melts, it tastes REAL (because it is!).  50 calories/TBSP

Veggie of the Week: Turnip!

35 calories/cup cubed cooked. Delicious and relatively low-cal. Mmmmm.

 Store of the week: Francesca's! 

Annie and I went a couple weeks ago when I realized that this awesome place (which i THOUGHT was only at Garden City and in Newport) has opened other locations! Including Cape Cod Mall, Derby St, and Providence Place! I got this turquoise necklace for so cheap! 

Workout of the Week: Rollerblading on the Canal

We've had some GORGEOUS weekend days and I've enjoyed getting fit AND spending time with my boo! We took this pic this morning.

First Holiday Purchase: Merino Wool Blend Chevron Skirt

It's like a Skirt-sweater! So comfy and warm! Ann Taylor had a 30% off sale so I snagged this! Still trying to decide how to style it...suggestions welcome!!!



So that's my random hodgepodge of cool stuff!!! I will update on Friday after my weigh in! Let's hope its a good one!!!

FINGERS CROSSED!!!

THE PLAN

So, after a pity party on Friday, I re-grouped. Called my girl Jeri to see if we could have a chat.

RAN TEN MILES that morning. Like a boss. (Actually, I was exhausted.)

Went over to see Jeri and talk about the whole thing. Vented. Discussed all the issues, emotions, blah blah blah...and between her guidance and my own ideas, I decided on this plan:

1.) It's a 3-week plan. I will weigh in on 10/26. I will not weigh myself until then.
2.) FOOD DIARY. A must. The food is definitely a big part of the issue.
3.) No random treats/extras, alcohol, cool whip, popcorn, or Pumpkin lattes.
4.) Amp up the exercise as able. (I already feel more motivated after running 10 miles on friday.)
5.) Drink plenty of water.
6.) No late-night indulgence. Try to remember helpful tips (like green tea) that used to work.
7.) Calorie and portion control is huge.
8.) NO EMOTIONAL EATING.
9.) Prep food as much in advance as possible to avoid pitfalls such as forgetting snacks or eating poorly on the run.


If all else fails, I may go see a nutritional counselor. I'd like to do this on my own but I'm not above getting help if I need it, because this is really important to me.

AND I was wearing a baggy dress (one that I love but that doesn't really fit anymore) when I went over to hang out with Jeri (at Lynne's house, where she is house-sitting.) AND her dog Bentley was all up in my shit (he's not fixed yet, and I'm looking pretty hot these days, SO...) to make him give me some breathing room...

I FED HIM MY HUGE FAT DRESS

He loved it. 

It's win-win. Bentley got to "chew" on me all he wanted. I got rid of some of my bigger clothes. 

It was motivating and cathartic. I wonder how many of my fat clothes I could let Bentley chew on...

A Fear of Failure

One of the reasons that I let my weight get out of control was my fear of getting started.

Deep down, I knew I needed to lose a LARGE sum of weight. The thought was daunting. The fear that I would try and fail plagued me. I convinced myself that I had control over my body. That whenever I wanted to lose weight, I could. That my fear had nothing to do with it. That it was a choice.

Facing the demon was an act of sheer frustration at first. I was disgusted with myself. I was also motivated by the idea of CONTROL. In a period of time (last December) when my life felt OUT of CONTROL, I used this new endeavor to get the power back.

And it WORKED.

For months. Nine months. Even this summer, when I was plateaued, I knew that it was because I had relaxed my diet and exercise. I was in CONTROL of my body.

I just KNEW that as soon as I re-committed to this, I would continue to drop weight.


And...

I'm just STUCK.




I was so angry last week. Bitter that I gained a pound.
Now I just feel like an absolute failure. 

I find myself, today, facing my greatest fear. I am afraid I won't be able to keep doing this. That I am not strong enough. That, like my mother, there is something WRONG with me. 
I've watched her struggle. I convinced myself that I'm not like that. I'm stronger. I can do it on my own. I can face my weight loss without gimicks, surgeries, Biggest Loser style 6-hour workouts, or crash diets. 


This is the first time since I started this that I'm honestly doubting myself.
Keep exercising five times a week and not losing weight.
Keep pushing when I'm tired or upset.

The reality is, my diet hasn't been PERFECT.
But it's been pretty darn good.
I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out what's happening. WHY CANT I LOSE MORE WEIGHT.
What am I eating wrong? What am I DOING wrong?

So, this week, I am making the following changes:
1.) I am keeping a detailed food diary. 
2.) I am going to ELIMINATE sources of empty calories that appear to be issues for me.
     a) No popcorn at trivia (OR IN GENERAL)
     b) No cool whip on my sugar free pudding
     c) No alcohol (Not that I normally drink any)
     d) No snacking at work
     e) No extra delicious shit. (Like the occasional pumpkin latte.)


I guess I just feel defeated. I know it's my fault. I'm the one that eats the food, I'm the one that exercises.  No one is responsible for this except for me. But these feelings of fatigue and stress and frustration are starting to take over.

Work has been stressful. Long days. I get home and I am so TIRED. And then I start thinking, "What's the point of putting myself through this? Another work out to not lose any weight?"



But the workouts aren't the problem. The food is the problem.


I eat too much. 


And someone who has never struggled with this would find it hard to understand...but...there are times that the compulsion to eat is so strong that it's like torture to resist it.

And because I'm so tired and frustrated, I just...give in.

Make the bad (or not as good) choice because I'm just so damn tired.

Tired of fighting with myself for YEARS over this.

And being angry won't help anything. But I'm angry.

THIS ISN'T FAIR. 


Why am I so messed up that I can't just DO what I need to DO? 
Why does it seem to be so much harder for me to make good choices? 
Why is it SO DAMN EASY for SO MANY PEOPLE and SO F***ING HARD FOR ME????


I feel that, if I don't get control over these negative thoughts and emotions and take the CONTROL back from the food, I will fail. I will fail because my resolve is slowly crumbling.

And the reality is, no amount of "you look so skinny!" or "don't worry its all muscle!" makes a person feel better when they know, deep down, that they are failing. 

Love never fails.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 
It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 
Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. 
Love never fails. 

Purging my Frustration

So if you want something uplifting, stop reading now.

I need to vent my frustration, feelings of helplessness, and anger over my current journey with weight loss. 

I know these feelings will fade, that I'll manage them, that I will prevail.  But I need to work through them somehow, if I'm going to stay the course.

But right now, I'm not sure how.


I've dedicated myself over the last couple/few weeks to re-charging my weight loss. After giving myself a little wiggle room and plateauing for a long time, I've been all about my health over the last couple weeks.

-I started drinking TONS of water, including Jillian Michaels Detox Water.
-I increased the intensity of my workouts.

I've been working at this. For example:
When I'm at trivia and everyone else has a beer, I have tea.
When Brian eats Reese's Pieces sundaes, I eat raspberries.
When everyone at work has cake and donuts, I eat my greek yogurt.
When I had to work late this Tuesday, I stopped working, WENT FOR A RUN, and came BACK to work.


To be fair, I've had one or two things I shouldn't have had. I had a TINY piece of cake on Thursday (like tiny)
and ate a bite size snickers on Wednesday night.



So that brings me to this morning.

My gut looks a little smaller. I've been working so hard. I lost weight last week. I'm motivated, excited...and I get on the scale...I actually caught myself thinking, "I bet I lost several pounds. I wonder if I'm going to be under 180 finally..."

AND I GAINED a POUND.

WHAT. THE. HELL.


I basically just threw a shit fit. If I can't eat a mother f***ing bite size snickers without gaining a pound I'm going to lose my mind. THIS IS RIDICULOUS. It's like my body is conspiring against me.

I know I'm doing the right stuff. For example, today I ran a mile in 9:30. That's slow for some people. For me, that's lightning! I was averaging 12-13 min/mile last winter/spring.

And I SWEAR my gut looks smaller. I don't think I'm seeing things. 


I've got to get a plan.
I've got to keep going.
But I'm so frustrated.
Feeling powerless.
Like what I've been doing doesn't matter.

I CANNOT GET CAUGHT UP IN IT.
But its hard not to.

Ugh. Let's hope for a better week next week.

Pounds lost: 57 (boo)
Pounds to go: 23 

182. Thanks Jillian Michaels.

I finally beat my weight-loss plateau this week!!! Lost 2 pounds!!!

It's time to get my ass in gear! I'm re-motivated and ready to rock the next 22 lbs!!!

Part of the solution was my Jillian Michael's DETOX WATER that I saw on pinterest...

60 oz. water
2 tbsp. lemon juice
1 tbsp. PURE 100% cranberry juice
1 dandilion root tea bag (can find it at GNC)

(I added a green tea bag to improve the taste. Plus green tea is a natural metabolism booster and super healthy!)

You drink this EVERY day. Plus whatever else you eat & drink. I'm much better hydrated. I guess its supposed to remove the toxins and help you lose bloat and water weight. And it seemed to help, since I FINALLY lost some weight!!!

I'm pumped.

Pounds lost: 58
Pounds till original goal: 12 
Pounds till final goal: 22


I've also reached a point where I am letting this new haircut go curly. I'm not sure how cute it is, but DAMN its easier than straightening it!!! 

HAPPY WEEKEND!!! and HAPPY FALL!!! 

Locks of Love

Trina's Wedding!

My friend Trina from college got married this weekend! It was such a great day!

But first, a little "photo history" of our days at URI...

Inappropriate. 

Drinking. 

Classy. 

Dancing. (Ass grinding.) 

Being sexy for the bar. 

What can I even say? 

And more recently we've been able to celebrate the big events for Erika...

Which has really shown us that some things never change...

Here's some gorgeous pics from the wedding...

 Trina & Costa

Erika & I enjoying cocktail hour

First dance

The Greek tradition of throwing money...

My hot date and I

Some pics of FUN!!! 

Classy at all times.  

Did I mention SUPER classy? 

Complete with one gorgeous bride (love you!)

And a flower girl that schools adults on the dancefloor!  

CONGRATS TO TRINA AND COSTA!!! LOVE YOU BOTH!!!