Purging my Frustration

So if you want something uplifting, stop reading now.

I need to vent my frustration, feelings of helplessness, and anger over my current journey with weight loss. 

I know these feelings will fade, that I'll manage them, that I will prevail.  But I need to work through them somehow, if I'm going to stay the course.

But right now, I'm not sure how.


I've dedicated myself over the last couple/few weeks to re-charging my weight loss. After giving myself a little wiggle room and plateauing for a long time, I've been all about my health over the last couple weeks.

-I started drinking TONS of water, including Jillian Michaels Detox Water.
-I increased the intensity of my workouts.

I've been working at this. For example:
When I'm at trivia and everyone else has a beer, I have tea.
When Brian eats Reese's Pieces sundaes, I eat raspberries.
When everyone at work has cake and donuts, I eat my greek yogurt.
When I had to work late this Tuesday, I stopped working, WENT FOR A RUN, and came BACK to work.


To be fair, I've had one or two things I shouldn't have had. I had a TINY piece of cake on Thursday (like tiny)
and ate a bite size snickers on Wednesday night.



So that brings me to this morning.

My gut looks a little smaller. I've been working so hard. I lost weight last week. I'm motivated, excited...and I get on the scale...I actually caught myself thinking, "I bet I lost several pounds. I wonder if I'm going to be under 180 finally..."

AND I GAINED a POUND.

WHAT. THE. HELL.


I basically just threw a shit fit. If I can't eat a mother f***ing bite size snickers without gaining a pound I'm going to lose my mind. THIS IS RIDICULOUS. It's like my body is conspiring against me.

I know I'm doing the right stuff. For example, today I ran a mile in 9:30. That's slow for some people. For me, that's lightning! I was averaging 12-13 min/mile last winter/spring.

And I SWEAR my gut looks smaller. I don't think I'm seeing things. 


I've got to get a plan.
I've got to keep going.
But I'm so frustrated.
Feeling powerless.
Like what I've been doing doesn't matter.

I CANNOT GET CAUGHT UP IN IT.
But its hard not to.

Ugh. Let's hope for a better week next week.

Pounds lost: 57 (boo)
Pounds to go: 23