Tomorrow I turn 27.
27, in other words, is...
-9 years since I graduated high school
-14 years since my first kiss
-11 years since I got my Driver's License
-6 years since I've been legal to drink
-3 years since the last time I freaked out about a birthday and felt "old" (24 was the last hard one)
And...3 years UNTIL I turn...30.
I have mixed feelings about this.
Feeling #1: Shock
How did this happen? I feel like I was just 18. Just 21. And then BOOM! goes the dynamite. 2-7. Nice to meet you, late twenties. Try not to kick my ass.
Feeling #2: Optimism
My life is pretty amazing by anybody's standards. I love my job, my family, my friends and my boyfriend. 2010 was a great year...2011 has been great so far...so why not be hopeful and optimistic that this year will be even better?
Feeling #3: Anxiety
Ready for some honesty? When I was 18, I thought I'd be married right now. And maybe have a kid. That's not to say that I regret being single...I believe I've made the right choices in my life...but sometimes, when you have this "mental image" of what you expect, and your expectations are not met...whether you mean to or not, it can feel like something has gone awry. And I'm just going to say the thing that strong, confident single women are not supposed to admit...I dont LOVE the idea of getting married in my 30s, Sex & the City style. I am not Carrie Bradshaw. I don't wear giant flowers on my clothing and wear mini-dresses at age 40. I am somewhat conventional...and the things I want tend to fall into line with that.
Feeling #4: Indignance
How dare I make the comments above? WHO says I need to be married by 30? Who picked that number? And why would I put so much pressure on myself?? I can do whatever I want!! The world is my oyster. If I want to get married at 27, 30, 35...its my own damn business, my own choice. There is no imaginary clock ticking...its all mental. This month, I want to spend my disposable income on two things: Guatemala and Special K chips...maybe I'm not ready for "marriage" mindset anyway!
Feeling #5: Grateful
I feel like the best stuff is yet to come. Trips on the horizon, weddings of close friends and loved ones, a year for the books! I have a job that I truly enjoy, (and I have a job in the first place), enough money, great friends, a supportive family, and someone to love. Sometimes I think I get so focused on the future that I forget that the present is AMAZING. Some day, I will look back on this time in my life and wish it were this simple.
Its exhausting.
And so this blog is the beginning of a journey. Random thoughts, stories, and tid-bits from this turbulant and fantastic time in my life. I can't promise you'll like what I put out there, but I promise I won't hold back.
Would you really want me to? ;)
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