3 weeks later...

It's been a few weeks, hasn't it?

Well, since I last posted I've been on vacation and back!

It was awesome.
Brian and I went on a cruise to the Bahamas. Here's some highlights:

Including one major milestone:

First. Ever. Public. Bikini.

This was a goal I set for myself last year, but I wasn't ready/confident enough last summer. But this spring...BOOM! Roasted.

But I ate like a PIG on the ship. Like someone not on a diet. Like a million desserts. A zillion calories.

Eh, what you gonna do? 

I'm back on track. Eating totally clean for a couple weeks, working out daily. Hoping to de-tox. 

Also wanted to share my latest project: 

My mom's vanity was stained and out of date. I covered the shelves with printed card stock and sealed it with clear contact paper. I'm loving the finished product: it's updated but still funky and vintage. 

I'm thinking this technique could be used on other projects, including bookshelves, small tables, etc. 

One last thing: 

It's been a hard week. We almost lost this handsome guy to a severe infection, heart attack, congestive heart failure, etc. He's still in the hospital but seems to be doing better. Please say a prayer for a my Grampy's comfort and recovery. He is just about the sweetest person on Earth, and I love him so much! 

The 160s will NEVER END.

Still 164.

I'm ok with it. Just kind of underwhelmed by the last month and a half.

I've worked like a DOG to lose 8 lbs.

(And FYI the calories I cut should have had me losing approximately 12-13 lbs this month.)

I'm exhausted. And frustrated because I feel like I can't enjoy my cruise.
If I go nuts, I'll be back up around 167-169, struggling.
If I don't eat anything, that's just RIDICULOUS.

And now. I have to figure out how to enjoy my vacation and not put on weight.
Good f***ing luck with that, Laura.

Pre Weigh-In Jitters

It's 7am. I need to weigh in today.

I feel ANXIOUS.

My heart is pounding.
When I opened my eyes the adrenaline sat me right up in bed.

It's like the scale as become an enemy again. 


Last weekend I over-ate at Lane & Brent's cookout.
Now granted, I burned 3,000 calories between Friday, Saturday, and Sunday workouts...
So I only could have gained so much.

As a matter of fact, I still burned much more than I consumed this week.

I. just. don't. trust. my body. 

I feel like the SECOND I slip up, I put on weight.
And last weekend I made the choice to enjoy myself...

But at what cost? 


I've worked SO hard the last 51 days (only 2 days left until the 53 day push is over!)

And I am flat out terrified to weigh in and have gained weight. TERRIFIED.




I don't like this new development.
I don't like being afraid to weigh in.
I don't like feeling powerless.
I don't like feeling so exhausted.



So we'll see what the scale says!!!

Praying to God to have the strength to deal with the number. No matter what it is!!!

Red Velvet Binge!

So. I cheated. 

Brian's birthday is today. We celebrated last night, since we'll be out tonight. I baked him a red velvet cake. I looked back in my book and the last time I ate something sweet was March 31 (Easter), and I don't know how else to put it...I was compelled to eat the cake. 


Unlike the night with the cake pops, and my vacation, and Easter...the positive part of this cheat is that I ate a good amount of cake, BUT...it was the only thing I shouldn't have eaten yesterday AND I ran 8.2 miles yesterday...which burned over 1,000 calories. I know I probably didn't get FATTER yesterday, but I just feel like maybe I wasted the day, you know???


Especially because it's been SO HARD to lose weight.

But then again, sometimes you just NEED a break.


And tonight we have a cookout at Lane & Brent's. I'm kind of AFRAID of what I might do (since I was planning on cheating TONIGHT...haha) so I'm going to do my best. Hopefully the cake took the edge off my cravings...eek!!! 


Back to the grind. 
Hoping not to gain 76 lbs. back next week. 

TMI alert.

Guess what?

I pooped.

Haha.

Boo.

I'm pretty exhausted.

I've been working really hard. Exercise. Diet. (You ALL know the deal.)

And let's cut to the chase...

I've weighed 165.5 lbs for the LAST THREE WEEKS.


I'm afraid to deviate from my diet.
I don't want to put myself through this for no reason.
I am not a quitter.
Maybe I need to calm it down a little bit.


All of these things are racing through my mind. 

I'm just not sure what else I can do. 

I feel like I'm giving all of myself and getting NOTHING back. 


I need to formulate a plan.
Or maybe just stay the course for one more week until my cruise.
I don't know.
I'm just...DONE.



On a positive note. CRUISE in 10 days!!!