Failure.

So I'm struggling a little bit.

After coming back from my cruise, I decided to "de-tox" by eating clean.

As part of this eating clean, I decided I wouldn't immediately go back to counting calories.

And...

I've been over-eating. 


I'm filled with anxiety. 


I know that everyone falls down.
Logically, I understand that this is part of the learning process...the "maintenance" process.
And it's a worthwhile lesson and practice for me.


BUT...


I noticed that my belly looks bigger.
I'm afraid that I've gained a lot.
I literally feel panicked. 
Sick to my stomach.
VERY fearful of what the scale will say.

(So fearful, in fact, that I've avoided the scale.)


I'm so anxious and out-of-control that I've had to go back to logging my food.
I keep wanting to work out MORE. Burn MORE. Lose MORE.

I feel like such a failure.


HOW COULD I ALLOW THIS TO HAPPEN??????????? 



I feel full of self-loathing right now. 
Which isn't good, since the BASIS of my weight-loss has been self confidence and health. 


Everytime someone compliments me, I want to confess..."No! I'm disgusting! I'm huge!" 


We'll survey the damage soon, and I'll let you know. fao