Hi, I'm morbidly obese.

So...elephant in the room. 

I BINGED for days during my vacation. 

Alcohol, cheese, waffles, cake, mashed potatoes, bread. 

Stuff I very very rarely eat. 

I ate it all. 

I dont REGRET it, necessarily. 

It was a choice. 

And we all have to live with our choices. 

BUT...

I do feel pretty fat. 

I look in the mirror and see an obese person. 

I've been describing myself as "morbidly obese" all week. 

Because that's how I feel. 

Because I'm so crazy, I haven't weighed myself yet. 

I'm planning on doing that next Friday. 

I've been trying to accept that vacations happen. 

Binges happen. 

Life happens. 

Trying to remove the emotion from eating. Good or bad. 

But I keep thinking...

"I shouldn't have had that second beer at the bonfire." 

"I could've done without that extra piece of cake." 

"Why didn't I stop eating the Wheat thins?"

"How come I didn't walk away from the cheese?"

And alcohol. Whoa. I NEVER drink these days. 

I drank SO much. 

Sugary, girly drinks. Wine. Beer. 

IRISH CAR BOMBS. 

I'm trying not to beat myself up. I'm back on the horse now. As of last Wednesday, there were 53 days until my cruise with Brian. And I've calculated that to lose 10-12 lbs. by then I need to be at a deficit of 850 calories daily. And for the last three days (and this morning), I've eaten well, worked out, and been a rockstar. 

Trying to breathe, and dig myself out. 

And remind myself that I'm not morbidly obese anymore.