I freaking love summer.

So...on this GORGEOUS spring day, why not share my plans for this spring/summer???

In the spirit of getting excited about some potential FUN coming up...

1. I am working a 4-day week, starting the 3rd week of May. Fridays OFF!!! 

2. Which means, I will be spending as much time as possible HERE. 

(I haven't been able to get to the beach much the last few years, and I am EXCITED!!!)

3. Beach camping in Narragansett with the Betty Whites in Early July. Shit show no doubt. 

4. Cousin-Fest 2012 Kicks off June 8th!!!! (And my cousin Kate graduates!) 

5. I am going to buy a car with air conditioning. 

6. Sometime in the next few months, I will run 10 miles without stopping. I've done 8 miles my last two times out...I can smell victory! 

7. Erika (my best friend from undergrad) gets married June 2nd!!! 

8. And Tracey, my friend from work, gets married June 30th! 

9. Small thing: I'm going to grow fresh tomatoes so I don't spend so much at the market! 

10. I will fit in at least ONE trip to Eustis (preferably with Lane & Brent again...) 

11. And get up to North Conway and canoe on the Saco at least once! 

12. I will (hopefully) wear my first (public) bikini. EEK. 

13. And plan some kind of vacation (since I need one.) 

What are your big summer plans???

Persistence pays off.

So after several disappointing weeks at the scale, FINALLY got some reward this morning. 

In the form of a 5.3 lb. weight loss!!!

Which means...

I am officially PAST my 1/2 way point!!!!! 

YAY!!! 

(So I decided to upload a 1/2 way point photo...full body...no make-up, you know, sexy as possible.)

As you can see, I've lost SIGNIFICANT weight from my boobs, arms, upper waist, and face.

Although I've lost from my hips and thighs too, they are still pretty big!

But I was actually pleasantly surprised at this shot. I feel pretty good. I think I look a lot better.

ONWARD!!!

Pounds lost: 37
Pounds to go: 33

Weight loss is boring and lame.

So, as anyone who knows me well (or reads this blog) is aware, I am pretty much all-consumed with weight-loss these days. Food choices. Exercise. Etc.

It's pretty boring.

I'm a lot of things, both good and bad. But BORING is rarely one of them. I can feel people around me becoming bored/exasperated with my current state of mind. And that's hard for me, because I'm not trying to bore the shit out of people, or frustrate them.

I've got conflicting feelings about this. On one end, I totally get it. Whenever someone is obsessed with one thing ONLY, I can imagine that listening to it gets old. On another end, I'm a little perturbed by the whole thing. I mean, I feel like I'm doing something really important.

I have heard the following comments in the past few weeks (in no particular order):

"You need to just relax. Stop focusing on it so much." 


"38 more pounds is a LOT of weight. Are you sure you need to lose that much?"


"You're pretty focused on the size that you are. So I hope you can look at the big picture." 


"You're like, obsessed with this." 


"Don't be so hard on yourself! Don't be mean to yourself!" 


OK. Here's the soapbox. Let me preface this by saying that each and every person who said the above things to me is, I truly believe, trying to be helpful. I also would like to share that every person on the above list has NEVER tried to lose 70 lbs.

Let me break it down for everyone: 


1.) I need to be FOCUSED. When I lose my focus, I gain weight. I don't have the metabolism, track record, self-control, or energy to stop focusing on this. I KNOW MY HISTORY. I know what it felt like to "just relax" and gain 30 lbs. back. I know what it feels like to have someone discredit you by calling you "fat", as if its the most disgusting thing a female can be. (And I'm pretty sure, that in this society, you're more desirable if you've got an STD than if you're obese.)

2.) I am not going to stay chubby and mediocre so that everyone else will be more comfortable with my personality, life choices, or so that I will be more "entertaining." I have been a fat, fun chick for 28 years. So excuse me if I've decided to take a break from being SUPER FUN every second and actually working towards MY happiness. Believe it or not, I don't exist simply to entertain you.

3.) I can assure you, I have AT LEAST 38 lbs. to lose. No, it is not too much. It's almost like, if a girl is fat and decides to change her life, I get the OPPOSITE effect now, where its like, I'm going to let myself lose TOO much.

4.) Don't be so hard on myself? My BMI was 35 in December! I wore a size 18. I had no neck! It's not self-hatred, I'M FINALLY LOVING MYSELF!!! I'm not allowing myself to be unhealthy! I'm not allowing myself to PRETEND that I'm feeling good, when I feel like I'm crawling out of my skin! Saying that I "don't want to be fat anymore" isn't mean. It's reality. And it doesn't make me feel badly, it makes me feel motivated, accomplished and focused on my GOAL. It doesn't matter what you weigh, if you feel good about yourself. But I can assure you, the internal dialogue I had going on before I started losing weight was MUCH MEANER than saying I don't want to be fat.


So, anyway. I just needed to say that. I know you're all behind me. I know you're all having to listen to this, bored by this, have OPINIONS about this, etc. And I DO put it all out there, so in that way, I am opening myself up to these opinions.

But, my friends, please remember...
THIS IS THE THING I'VE WANTED MOST FOR MY WHOLE LIFE. 
To feel like I can beat this.

Please don't try to knock me down. 

Stay the course...

Just got off the scale.

Lost a couple tenths of a pound.

Basically I've stayed the same for my last two weigh-ins.

Which means a 2-3 WEEK PLATEAU. 

And I'm not devastated like I was last week.

I'm just sort of tired. Wondering how my body can be ignoring basic math.

Calories in < Calories Out. 

It's math.

So what is going ON????

Ugh.

Stay the course...stay the course....stay the course...

Watch this.

RIDICULOUS.

On the bright side...

THIS 0.7 lbs. will not define my self-worth.

TEMPORARY SETBACK ON MY PATH TO GREATNESS.

I'm gonna cut somebody.

Guess what. No happy post today.

Weighed in. GAINED 0.7 pounds back.

I know I made a joke about the Easter candy. But honestly...I spent the ENTIRE week trying to make up for it.

I cut carbs way down so I'd burn the sugar and fat I stored on Easter.

I worked out four times, including an EIGHT MILE RUN yesterday.

I drank lots of water.

I got plenty of sleep.

Not to be whiny and dramatic, but WHAT THE F***????

I'm going to whine now. You've been given fair warning.

This SUCKS. Its one thing when you don't BUST YOUR ASS every day, but I worked so hard this week to make up for that day that I should have Maintained! Are you kidding, I actually burned more than I ate this week, INCLUDING the candy!!!

It makes you think, is it worth it?

I give myself 24 hours of breathing room, then kill myself for days to make up for it...and STILL GAIN WEIGHT???

This is the pity party that typically throws me off the wagon.

Its just so frustrating.

I know I just need to deal with this. But I've been crying for 20 minutes and frankly, I'm pissed off, defeated, and feeling pretty angry/depressed.

I'll let you know if it lasts.

Pounds lost: 31.3

Pounds to go: 38.7

(this is bullshit.)

Fat Monday

When I gain back 32 pounds this week, it will be no one's fault but mine.

Here is what I ate on Sunday: 10 Swedish fish, 8 mini eggs, a piece of strawberry shortcake, a chocolate egg, and a mini marshmellow bunny. I am a FAT KID. I'm going to eat very little sugar this week and work out a lot...in the hopes that I'll maybe not gain weight. EEK.

Obsessed with pistachios as well. I just ate 50. A girl's got to eat SOMETHING!!!

I am loving the new season of Game of Thrones. Boobs, be-headings, constant excitement!

Thanks to Rachael for a GREAT girl's night on Saturday!!! So fun to see all my ladies!

Lastly. I've been doing some thinking lately. This song pretty much sums it up. :)

Mini Update

I just got off the scale.

I was sick all week, barely had any energy...worked out lightly, but not as intensely as I usually do.

I was TERRIFIED of putting this weight back on, bouncing back up to the plateau. And sticking there. I just kept thinking about how your body RESISTS change...and how if you JUST lost weight, got below a plateau, your body will FIGHT to gain back to stay there. And I was really worried. I wasn't able to run yesterday because it was Good Friday. And it's a busy weekend.

But I tried to eat well all week. Worked out, even if it was lightly.

I LOST 3.3 LBS!!!!

(I didn't believe it, and this is the face I made.)

(Also, sorry for the make-up free, ridiculous photobooth pics but I wanted to share my EXACT feelings this morning!!!)

In 11 pounds, I will fight my next plateau (that I can predict.)

In 3 pounds, I will be HALFWAY to my goal!!!

I am a beast. Clearly my fat cells had no idea who they were about to battle!!!!

POUNDS LOST: 32

POUNDS TO GO: 38

For Dad

I'm a little nervous. My dad is going to have his heart "jump-started" tomorrow morning.

He has an arrhythmia, and he has been cardioverted before. But not for a while. And I get nervous every.single.time.

So I'm going to dedicate this post to Daddy...

Just Relaxing in Maine

My Dad is a unique guy. Super nerdy, goofy, athletic, has quite a temper, enjoys Captain Morgan, loves the History channel. When I was born, his OCD really kicked into high gear...he used to record my feedings and my diaper changes on a grid. (Yeah, intense.) I have always been his first born...and he is very protective. I have so many wonderful childhood memories...

Hanging at the Cape

He was always there to pry me off of innocent Disney characters...

Always willing to let me "help" rake the leaves---(which meant re-raking the piles I jumped into)

He was always ready to amuse himself at my expense. Terrifying.

And willing to chase me around the beach, watch me try to do cartwheels, and make sure I didn't get lost running around and trying to make friends...

I should probably mention that I'm not my father's ONLY child...haha.

Chris is around too.

And I never liked fishing...but Chris seemed to really enjoy it.

I appreciate his enthusiasm for my Barbie-themed birthday party.

And his constant goofing-off.

He's a really great Dad.

Its important that you're proud of me.

This year, I came home to my yearly Valentine's Day card. Which will NEVER get old!!!

I appreciate and love you Dad!!!

Gleek-town USA

Need a few minutes of nerdy indulgence and love choral music? Check out the "Hallelujah Chorus" as performed by the Clef Singers on Saturday night.

See it here!!!

Also, thank you to Cara for dedicating "baby got back" to me at the after-party, inspiring me to back this ass up !

I'm an April Fool.

Happy birthday to Trishy!!!

So my Clef concert was last night. Overall it went fantastic!!! Heartwarming and fun.

But it wouldn't be a blog post without a dose of honesty, would it?

Things that are unnecessary at clef concerts:

1.) Wearing a leather skirt.

2.) Wearing a mini skirt with no nylons. This isn't the mall.

3.) Wearing 4" heels when you're already 5'9" and standing in FRONT of other people.

4.) Coughing on me.

5.) Wearing painted-on black skinny jeans as your "black bottoms." Buy grown up clothes. No one here wants to bang you.

Don't get me wrong, the concert was GREAT!!!

And P.S. Today I bought a bra at the REGULAR STORE!!! First bra I haven't had to special order online in three years!!! :)