The Thirty Year Itch.

So. I'm turning 30 in about 6 months.


Lately, my life is full of big events...for OTHER people.

ENGAGEMENTS
WEDDINGS
BABIES


I know that, logically, I'm exactly where I need to be. 

I often say, I don't wish I was married with babies--I wish I was 5 years younger so I wasn't stressed about my biological clock.


Alas, 30 is creepin' on me.


Brian and I just moved in this May. It's been a big three months, growing together. I know we need to take our time. This relationship has helped teach me patience. Big picture stuff.


But I'm thrown off by my biological clock.
My sense that the world is moving faster than I am.
The feeling like I should be doing more. Faster. NOW. 


It's really difficult, to be honest. 


I have this sense that Brian and I are moving towards engagement. He says we have the same goal, and we're on the same page. But he's also frustrated because he says whenever someone else has a new milestone, I get a whole new batch of nervous energy he needs to reassure.


On one end, I want to be engaged NOW. I want that reassurance. That commitment. To stop WAITING.

On the other end, I ONLY want this if I am 100% sure Brian is 100% ready.

Therein lies the rub, as they say. 


So here I wait. 
Hoping this all works out the way I want it to.
Praying for patience. 
Trying to remember that MY life is not the same as everyone else's.
And everyone has their own timeline. 
And that there are wonderful things to enjoy now.


I will say, to my friends who are lucky enough to have their life partners nailed down, or their babies on the way--you are LUCKY to not face 30 without any guarantees. Because for me, it's scary. 


But for now I'm going to focus on this: 
I have a wonderful boyfriend.
He reassures me we are on the same page.
I feel that we are.
I don't explode when I turn 30, so everything will be ok.



STAY TUNED. It's only gonna get hairier as 30 approaches.