An Intimate Portrait(s): Patrick

What can I SAY about Patrick? 

My P.T. husband. 

We sat next to each other at PT orientation and were close friends from that day forward. 

He always had a beer ready for me. 

Always had advice. 

Always ready to be supportive, but tell me if I was being ridiculous. 

I've never been called "dramatic" with such affection, aside from Brian, and my father. 

And that's why I know that Pat loves me the way I love him. 

What. A. Great. Friend. 

How can I thank him for documenting my drunken antics on film? 

(This candid shot from Birthday Prom is especially telling.) 

Or for supporting me even when I was dancing like an IDIOT, by myself. 

(We used to call this photo, "dance like no one is judging you.") 

Or for all the great times. All of them. Too many to count. 

(But this booze cruise was one of the best.) 

Or for being the ONLY person as RIDICULOUS as me on Halloween. 

Halloween 08' Can of Whoop Ass sexually assaulting Hula Pat

Halloween '07. Pat won the Golden Globe Award for Best Costume (Paul Bunyan) 

(The above photo was both mine and Pat's profile pictures on facebook for a majority of 2008.)

Simply put, Pat is fantastic. 

Prom King & Queen 2008

I've often said that you need to meet Pat to understand why he is who he is. 

Indescribable. 

But I can TRY. 

Pictures will help. 

Fact: Pat loves biking. In all weather. 

Fact: Pat is often wet, with unknown substances. 

(You never know if it's sweat, sea water, rain, or a recent shower.) 

Fact: Pat is an amateur photographer of sorts. 

His email address used to be okphotography@gmail

We laughed that at least he was honest, and didn't call it "excellent" photography. 

To be fair, though, there's a certain photo-journalistic quality to the B&W party shot he took below.

Fact: Pat is an outdoor enthusiast. 

(When I asked him about the trip to NH he took--pictured above--he replied, 

"Pretty good. But a colony of enthusiastic beavers tried to drown us.")

Pat thrives in the outdoors. 

Mountains. Lakes. Streams. Oceans. 

Forests. Rocks. 

Fact: He's never been one to let little things hold him back. 

Like a thorn bush at the bottom of a slip-n-slide. 

As the Best Man said at his wedding (Josh, who went to school with us), 

"Pat was the hardest worker. In a group of hard-working people." 

That's true of Pat. 

Fact: He loves to learn, and he's diligent. 

Not afraid to speak his mind. 

Here he is, asking a question to the President of the APTA (American PT Association.) 

Fact: Pat loves thick sweaters. 

(Particularly the one above.) 

Fact: Pat is competitive. 

Especially with Cheryl and wall-sits. 

I wasn't able to find photos of Pat: 

-sleeping in the woods

-building his Yert

-running into the ocean

-throwing a hatchet at wood and calling it a game

-baking his own bread

-showing up to class shoe-less

-trying to convince people to do 'cement mixer' shots

-carbo-loading shirtless 

-palpating my shoulder

-wearing his head lamp at school 

But those things happened, TRUST ME. 

And then...

BETSY showed up. 

What? Someone else who goes running between classes? 

Likes to be OUTSIDE all the time? 

Thinks biking from Newport to Boston and back in a day is NORMAL? 

Loves beer? 

A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN. 

So it happened, on 8/24/13, I got to witness my sweet Patrick marry the love of his life, Betsy.

A sweet country wedding. 

Complete with rustic barn. 

Lanterns. 

Twinkle lights. 

Love. 

And dancing in the moonlight. 

Brian and I had a great time. 

So nice to see old friends. 

And dance the night away. 

And so, my PT husband is a REAL husband. 

Congrats to Pat & Betsy! 

I know Pat will love, support, and stand by Betsy forever. 

And so wonderful to be included in such a special day, for such a good friend. 

Speed Bump

So today was just another friday.

I decided to weigh-in. See how I did over the past two weeks.

I went to a wedding last weekend so definitely cheated a couple days...BUT worked out almost every day.

I figured I stayed the same.
Or gained a pound maybe.

NOPE.

Allegedly, I gained five pounds in the last 2 weeks. 

I say allegedly because I didn't believe it.

I smirked, said "There's no way" and got BACK on the scale.


And apparently, I am five pounds heavier.



I don't want to say I GAINED five pounds. Because that's nonsense.
My measurements are the same if not smaller.


For the first time since I started my journey, I didn't cry when I realized I'd put on a large amount of pounds. Mostly because I know, deep down, this isn't five pounds of FAT.


Here's what it is: 

1. Muscle. I've been doing strength training. Much more frequently. I feel tighter. So this is partially muscle. 

2. BLOAT. I ate meat, junk, and drank alcohol during those few days off. And I've drank water this week but I think I need to drink extra to counteract all that salt and liquor.  

3. Ahem, constipation. I have not "gone" today. 

4. Actual weight. I did cheat on the diet a few days and probably gained a little of real weight somehow. 



So this week, I'm going to focus.

WATER.
NO NIGHTTIME EATING.
EATING CLEAN.
WORKING OUT. (maybe a little more cardio LOL)


And I'm going to pray that when I get back on the scale next week I've fought the bloat, used my increased muscle to burn more fat, lost the couple lbs. of "real" weight, and gotten back close to where I was before.


I have to say, I do feel like a failure.

I'm angry that cheating for one weekend has such a huge consequence for me. It doesn't seem fair.

But life isn't fair sometimes. I need to do what I need to do. And I have goals, and I'm not going to stop.

Sooner or later, you have to pay the piper.

Truth: The last time I stepped on a scale (before today) was May 12. 

I am embarrassed to admit that I avoided for so long. 

I honestly am shocked that I fell off the wagon, when it comes to facing up to consequences. 

This was a HUGE part of my weight gain and obesity in the past. And as part of my "getting real" and challenging myself, I committed to NOT avoiding my weight. NOT avoiding accountability. 

And I failed in that aspect for the past three months. I completely avoided facing up to the scale. 

I learned that you can lose 76 lbs. and you are the EXACT same person inside. 

Same hang-ups. Same pit-falls. Same proclivity towards coping mechanisms. 

I have avoided the scale, yes. 

But I have been eating well, generally. And exercising. 

One of my newest obsessions is sugar free pudding made with almond milk. 

IT IS AMAZING. 

I have been terrified. 

Simply put. 

Just sick with worry over my demons. Angry at myself for allowing it, scared to face up to it. 

I found myself looking in the mirror and seeing myself obese again. 

My internal dialogue going back and forth between, 

"Just face it. This weight doesn't define you. Look how far you've come." 

AND

"What if you've gained 20 lbs? Can you HANDLE that?" 

The second statement being pure fear talking. 

All my clothing fit fine. 

My measurements were the same. 

The photo below was taken last week. I CLEARLY have not gained 20 lbs. 

And so a week ago, I bought a new scale.

Set it up next to my bed where I would see it each morning.

Told myself, "LAURA, ON FRIDAY YOU ARE WEIGHING IN." And each day I'd tell myself, "3 more days" or "1 more day" etc.

Even if you feel bloated and fat. Even if you haven't used the bathroom.
YOU ARE BITING THE BULLET. 
YOU ARE PAYING THE PIPER. 
BECAUSE YOU WILL ABSOLUTELY REGAIN YOUR WEIGHT IF YOU DON'T. 



...This morning, I stripped down and looked at myself in the mirror.

I didn't LOOK fat.

I looked myself in the eye and said, "No matter what this scale says, I'll use it to motivate me. If it's high, that's just motivation. I lost it once, I can lose it again." 
Tried to convince myself that I was NOT a failure.


And then, hands shaking and adrenaline pumping, I stepped on the scale...

That's right. 

164.

I am the exact same weight as I was on May 12. 

HOLY SHIT BALLS. 

I just spent a month building it up, shaking, sweating and guilt-tripping myself...all for this weigh-in which showed I gained NOTHING!!!! 

But at least I'm back on the wagon now. 

Pounds lost: 76

Pounds to go: 16

Now that THAT'S over, how about a little preview of the next month???

It's WEDDING SEASON!!! 

Up first: Next weekend in PA

PATRICK :) 

My darling PT hubby (who now is going to be a REAL hubby so that joke needs to end) is marrying his longtime GF Betsy. I cannot begin to sum up my feelings about Pat in this post. He needs a post of his own. COMING SOON. 

September 14 in NEWPORT

MY GIRL MEG!!! 

September 21 in BUFFALO, NY (yeah, that's right.) 

Ann (who needs to move back to Plymouth IMMEDIATELY) 

Plus I have a wedding on October 5, my girl Tori from work! What a month it's going to be!!!




Also, just a note about my softball team, "NO GLOVE NO LOVE"

We lost in the Championships. Boo. 

But I really love my team and feel like I made lots of new friends. 

UNTIL NEXT YEAR!!! 

COMING SOON: An Intimate Portrait of Patrick

And a WEIGHT UPDATE. 

Stay tuned. :)