What's a girl to do?

I've got a little problemo.

I have briefly mentioned this in my blog before. But I'm going to do a full post about it today.

HOW do women who have certain diets/restrictions maintain their weight and resist temptation while living with a man who constantly eats unhealthy foods in their presence?

Am I the only one who has a much easier time resisting unhealthy foods (ice cream, buttered popcorn, pasta, pizza, etc...) if it is not being consumed in FRONT of my face?



Now...before I paint my BF to be a total jerk, please note that:
1. I have NEVER asked him to alter his diet, regardless of my health choices.
2. I have NEVER expected him to do so. It seems unreasonable.
3. He can eat delicious food and not gain weight.
4. I'm guessing, given the choice, that most people would choose food they like vs. food that's "Ok" given the choice and being that there isn't the consequence of weight gain.

Which begs the point...
OF COURSE he's going to eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and Reese's Ice Cream, and M & M's, and Fettucine Alfredo, and red velvet cake. Because he CAN. And we each make our own choices based on the hand we're dealt, right?



And I've been dealt a more "challenging" hand when it comes to weight loss.
Therefore, I make different choices.

So that's all true.
Great.
Case closed.

Except...


Why do I get so irritated with him when he eats this stuff?

Why do I feel like he's making my life harder than it needs to be?

Why do I feel like somehow, he's being insensitive?

Why do I feel like I ate a big bowl of crazy for breakfast?

Jealousy? Yes. That's a definite.
Frustration? Absolutely. It's not fair.

But part of me feels like he should be trying to make my life easier. Like he shouldn't be eating these things so much in front of me.

And the other part of me feels like...holy shit, he's in his own home, eating what he chooses to eat, he's not taunting me with it, he's just EATING. And it's not his fault that my metabolism sucks.

Wouldn't I eat these foods too? 
If I could get away with it and not gain weight?


So I'm trying to figure this out.

It's important to note that I did mention that it bothers me at times when he eats Reese's Ice Cream in front of me.
The good news? And he said he'd stop doing that. (I love him.)
The bad news? There's about 10 other things I'd like him to stop eating!!!



How can I decrease my frustration?
How can I make my (OUR) diet work?

What can you REASONABLY expect from your partner when you make a lifestyle change? 

Well that's the real question, isn't it?

Jury's still out. I'll let you know.

Me + Scale = Not Friends

I'm going to have a pity party. If you're not in the mood to hear my ramblings, stop reading now.


So I finished the Whole30 two weeks ago. Weighed in at 167.4. That was the last time I weighed in.

I was SO excited. So ready to go for my goal. So motivated.


And...following the Whole30 I re-established my diet, with my own modifications. That was 2 weeks ago.

I have had one official "cheat" in 2 weeks, which was eating the chocolate covered strawberries that Brian bought me for Valentines, and eating a piece of red-velvet cake. I had decided to have a cheat meal during the week, so this counted as it.

I have had 2 or 3 days where I "cheated" by going over calories. But all these days I was only over by 200 calories or so. And all other days I did well. I typically went over my calories by eating too much nuts or peanut butter, which I plan on changing but it wasn't exactly an earth-shattering cheat.

I have worked out 9 times in the past 2 weeks.

I have:
-Drank Zero alcohol
-Eaten Zero dairy
-Maintained calories
-Refused to partake in: CAKE, ICE CREAM, CANDY, RICE @ HIBACHI, DRINKS, APPETIZERS, DINNER ROLLS, DESSERTS, SUSHI, POPCORN. (When I wanted ALL OF THOSE THINGS.)
-Started doing more strength training. So that I can tone up.

And...


I GAINED 2 POUNDS. 

Current weight: 169. 


Not to be vulgar, but...

What the F*** is that all about?????


I've heard it all, believe me...

"It's just muscle since you're strength training!" (This may be true...somewhat...but not two pounds worth)

"It's just bloat...are you about to get your period?" (Next week)

"It's natural to go up and down." (This coming, normally, from someone not dieting who did not refuse umpteen delicious foods in the past two weeks and work out even when they were exhausted.)

"Are you writing down everything you eat? Watching your sugar? Getting enough protein? Eating enough?...etc." (The answer to all---YES--I think about this day and night like its a job.)

"Weight isn't the only important thing. I'd be happy weighing 170 if I looked good." (But you DON'T weigh 170. For someone trying to lose 90 pounds, weight is actually VERY important.)

"Maybe it's a sign you've lost enough." (Maybe you should go fuck yourself.)

I'm venting here for several reasons: 
1. I need to have my pity party so I can wrap my head around this, and go through the grief cycle.
(Don't laugh. When I've worked hard and I gain weight---I legitimately go through a mini version of the grief cycle. DENIAL (I weigh myself again to be sure), ANGER & SADNESS (I cry, looking at the scale, then cry alone for several minutes, feeling sorry for myself and allowing myself all those thoughts about how this isn't fair, and it's so hard, and I've worked so hard...etc...and then I vent it all out in a rambling blog--the ANGER stage--so I can process the emotions. Then I BARGAIN...by trying to rationalize things (I haven't pooped enough, I am bloated, I'll lose more next week...) and then ACCEPT. That I've gained. And I need to figure out why so I can move forward.

2. For me, weight gain is truly heart-breaking. Imagine, you work DAILY for something. And BAM, it's just...NOT. HAPPENING. It's hard. I need to feel upset first before I become motivated.

3. I'm ready to formulate a new plan. So I'll talk it out here.



Why I (TRULY) think my weight is higher: 

1. I ate too much nut butter/nuts and my calories (overall) were too high.

2. The majority of my extra calories were consumed in the evening.

3. Strength training did POTENTIALLY add a marginal amount of muscle, and thus, weight.

4. I have been mildly constipated and I DO need to poop. Truth.

5. I am at a plateau from a long time ago (middle school) where I maintained a weight of 167-170 for over two years. My body is comfortable here, and is trying to stay in this set point/zone.

6. My body is adjusting to my "real" diet after the Whole30 and didn't know what to do with the few processed foods I did eat.

7. Some people have trouble losing weight. And I am one of them.



My plan: 

ONE WEEK.

-No nuts or nut butter.
-Calorie control and CONSISTENCY. No days over 1700. Normally I aim for 1600-1650 but then I cheat more and my "off" days are 1800-1850 with lots of eating AT NIGHT.
-Add prune juice daily to decrease constipation.
-Continue with exercise as normal.
-Breathe.


I'd be lying if I said I wasn't really disappointed. I know this is a journey but it's really difficult sometimes. I believe I can do this--it's just hard when you have a bad week or two. Because I've been doing this for 14 straight months now...and I just want to see consistent progress.

Here's hoping that I have better news to report next week.

Believe it or not, I don't ONLY diet all day.

I decided to do a NON weight & diet related post. 

And update my loyal peeps (all half dozen of you) on what's been going on and what's coming up! 

It's been cold. 

Snowy. 

So, to be honest, I've been doing a lot of chilling with my boo. 

Creepin'. 

The Betty Whites have been dominant lately. Winning a half dozen times, including the 

Tournament of Champions. 

My Little Bro graduated from electrician's school and got licensed. He's amazing and I'm so proud! 

Yesterday, I bought my first pair (EVER) of size 8 pants. These are CLEARLY running big, as I still wear a 10-12 normally. BUT, I'm very excited and hopefully it's a sign of things to come!!! 

I've enjoyed winter activities such as ice skating. 

Why not make the best of it? 

(I tried rollerblading too--that was QUITE an experience.) 

MY HAIR IS FINALLY GROWING. 

(This seems trivial but it's a big deal to me.) 

My girl Meg got engaged a couple months ago and is getting married this Fall!!! So excited for her!

We celebrated Paul's 30th birthday in January. And we are going to be celebrating Adam's birthday in two weeks! DIRTY thirty is creepin' for everyone. (And I only have 13 more months in my 20's!!!)

We enjoyed New Years Eve with Lane, Brent & friends up in Reading. 

Nothing like a bestie to make you feel great. 

Grampy's 92nd birthday is in 3 weeks. I made him a Patriots fleece blanket since all the blankets at the nursing home are always too short for him. (He's a tall guy!)

Only 3 1/2 weeks until my Midwest Vaca!!! I'm traveling to Wichita to visit Ang, Gabe and their little buddle of adorable baby, Lyla! So excited to meet her and play! 

I'm also visiting my girl Ann in Arkansas. (And her dapper fiancee Justin as well) 

Our plans include the NORTHWEST ARKANSAS FASHION WEEK. 

Oh goodness. 

Cannot. Wait.

I AM GOING TO CONTINUE TO KICK ASS WITH WEIGHT LOSS. 

...Especially since Brian and I are planning a cruise for May. 

And I'd like to look H.O.T. 

So there's the update. Really exciting stuff haha. But it's my life in the mid-winter! (Praying for spring!)

The Clouds Have Lifted.

I am in a...FANTASTIC...mood today.

Friday was my last day of Whole30.

It was also the day of an enormous blizzard. Followed by Saturday...which was a day of sitting inside trying to get warm because we had no power or heat in Plymouth. I ate mostly fruit (so it wouldn't spoil), veggies, and nuts. Tons of all three. Very little meat or protein. But no bother...WHOLE 30 was over...

And not a day too soon because it would have been TOUGH to stay compliant yesterday!!!

I also cheated with several things...I had peanut butter (oh I missed you), hot soup from a can (because DAMN it was cold!), popcorn (just a little--airpopped) and...EEK...

ICE CREAM CAKE.

I felt guilty, but I simply had to have something dessert-like. I decided that yesterday would be a free day. I probably ate a little over 2000 calories, but I SO needed it!!!

And today...I'm happy!!! Because I can now take what I've learned from WHOLE30 and apply it to my own, specific, awesome diet!

I am re-incorporating:

1. Cooking spray
2. Fruits (more of them)
3. Pre-marinated meats at restaurants and occasional pre-made dressings.
4. Peanut butter in moderation
5. Edamame
6. Almond milk
7. Beans and oatmeal in moderation
8. One cheat meal per week (or allow myself to drink)
9. CALORIE ESTIMATION/COUNTING.

That last one is the most important...I need that accountability. Plus, I need to stop eating copious amounts of nuts and red meat---this uber-restrictive diet has made me eat MORE of these things, and I think I need to eat less to control the calories. I think I would have lost even more weight this month if I had been able to control those portions.



This morning, I made a well balanced meal, (slightly less fat than normal, slightly more fruit)...and I already feel more relaxed and calm.

I think it's because doing my OWN THING satisfies the control freak in me.


I. am. convinced. this new diet will be the key for me.

I am so READY to lose the rest of this weight!!!




SO. Here's the verdict...

So...About 5 lbs. since I last weighed in on Christmas Eve. BUT...I think I gained a few pounds between Christmas and when I started Whole30 on January 10th. So I'm thinking its probably closer to 7-8 lbs. lost this month.


AND...that means...I reached my ORIGINAL GOAL!!!! :)

And passed it.

My "final goal" of 160 is within reach.

But here's the thing...



I. Want. More!!!!


SOOOO...new goal.


Under 150. 
Shit's about to get REAL!!! 


Pounds until original goal: -3 (WHOOP!!!)
Pounds until "final" goal: 7
Pounds until "weight I never allowed myself to dream of" goal: 18 

So What Happens Day 31?

I'm on Day 27! (And about to go to bed, so it's almost over!)

Friday is my last day on the Whole 30. I have a doctor's physical, and I'm getting weighed. So we'll see how things go. Even 5 lbs. would be a victory.

My thoughts on the Whole 30 now that it's nearly complete:

POSITIVES: 

1. This has helped me...(with regards to dieting)
     a) cut out dairy
     b) omit most carbohydrates
     c) eat more naturally and find strategies to make healthy choices
     d) re-introduced me to lots of fresh and awesome foods

2. Improved my overall health
     a) I sleep more (you're supposed to get 9 hours/night on Whole 30.)
     b) I get many less headaches. I had one menstrual headache this month. That's IT. Normally I get at least one headache weekly.
     c) Increased energy


DRAWBACKS: 

1. Very expensive. Labor intensive. Preparation Intensive. Pain in the ass sometimes.

2.  I still get cravings sometimes, and they SUCK.

3.  I have trouble regulating my portions. You're not supposed to count calories on Whole 30 and I need more accountability for the amount I eat.

4.  Because you get so many cravings, I feel like I indulged more in nuts and red meat, which I'm not convinced are more healthy than other options that are not included on this eating plan.



So...the real question is...
What's NEXT?

Here's my Plan: 

1. Dairy is out. 
(Almond milk, which is non-dairy but not allowed on Whole 30, however, is back IN.)

2. I am going to count/estimate calories again.

3. I am continuing to omit bread, white potatoes, white rice, and refined sugars.

4. I am going to continue to avoid excessive artificial sweetener.

5. Peanut butter and soy are back! In moderation.

6. I am going to slowly re-introduce specific healthy carbs: beans, quinoa, and oatmeal...and see how it goes.

7. Overall, I'm going to eat probably about 80-90% paleo moving forward.

8. No beer or wine. White liquor with no sugar added. Calorie free mixers.

8. AND...I'm instituting one CHEAT MEAL per week to which NO RULES APPLY. I'm sure there will be little cheats here and there but I'm really trying to stick to it!!!