Just Great Stuff. YUP.

So I want to share an OBSESSION I found today.
Things are going to get REAL.

It all started on Thursday, when I went to visit my girl Trina. She is also losing TONS of weight (67 lbs. and counting!) and we swapped tips and tricks.

One of her tricks?

Powdered peanut butter. AKA "peanut flour."

Essentially, peanuts are ground down to a fine powder and all the oil is pressed out. And dried out. What you're left with has protein content and small amounts of fat...but only about 1/4 of the calories of real peanut butter. The yield is in powdered form. You can add water and make the peanut "butter"...more like a paste...whatever thickness you'd like.

And if you're like me, someone who can eat peanut butter by the JAR and has trouble controlling my portion...this is like...OK...I HAVE to try this.

Let me start by saying that you can tell it's not real peanut butter.
But let me also say it's not too bad!!!


Which brings me to my main point:

I actually purchased this product:

Which is CHOCOLATE PEANUT BUTTER powder.

Be. Still. My. Heart.
40 calories per 2 tbsp. 
Tastes REALLY good. 




I ate it like a dip, almost. Dipped strawberries into it. I was in heaven. This stuff is like CRACK.


I could easily eat TONS of it, which is OK, since it's 40 calories a serving!!!

I had to share this with my girls---especially those of you with a chocolate/sweet tooth.

Go to Whole Foods and get yourself some!
(And call me tomorrow to tell me how it changed your life.)


YOU'RE WELCOME. 

Phew!

For the first time in three weeks, I feel hopeful!!!! 

I lost three pounds this week! 165.5! 

I am officially beneath my plateau. 

It is a weight (ha ha) lifted! 

This is my reinforcement chart. As you can see, a frowny face is NOT the idea.

(that frowny face is Easter. there was too much candy!)

I'm going to keep pushing. My cruise is in 30 days!!! 

And there's a bikini with my name on it!!! 

Scared of the Scale.

So. Thursday night again.

I weigh myself tomorrow morning.

I'm legitimately SCARED.


Why you ask???



Did I cheat on my diet? 
Avoid exercise? 

No. 
None of those things. 


Here's what I did:
I exercised daily.
I ate well. (And cut adequate calories each day.)
And slept well.
And even added strength training a couple days.


I am so terrified I'm going to gain weight.

Genuinely TERRIFIED.


Because what if I gained weight? What if I didn't lose? What if it's not enough?



I'm scared because I've been working my ass off, and I'm afraid that if this doesn't work, I don't know where to go from here. 

It's totally impacting my mood, too. I'm irritated by the whole thing. Feel like my body is conspiring against me. Feel like if ANYONE ELSE did what I did over the last three weeks, they would lose SERIOUS weight.

And my body is like..."hahaha! that's what you THOUGHT!"



Just decided to come here and share my fear.
And I'll let you know what happens!

P.S.

I lost an inch in my hips.

Maybe there's hope.

:)

When can I breathe again?

I cannot WAIT to be at goal weight. I can't wait to have the pressure of "must lose more pounds, must lose more pounds" running in my head.

I've been working pretty hard at it. I've been eating well since the day I returned from vacation.
16 days to be exact.
I've had ONE "bad" day. (But on that day I did go to the gym and burn 800 calories. And that day was Easter, so sue me.)

Other than Easter, I have cut 850 calories per day between diet and exercise.
850 X 15 = 12,750 calories.

The equivalent of 3-4 pounds.

Guess how much I weigh?

168.6.

That's right folks, I lost 0.4 lbs. this week. And I only had to make myself miserable!

You too can lose completely irrelevant amounts of weight and work your ass off! It's easy! Just follow my simple plan and you'll be on a path to less free time, more workouts, less delicious food, and more failure on the scale!

I. am. not. sad.

I. am. angry.
Frustrated.
Exhausted. 

AND...not even back to my weight of 167.4 before vacation. ALMOST A MONTH AGO.


This is why people give up.
Because it's so unfair, and so difficult.
It's not for the faint of heart.

People have been saying I look thin all week.

ASK ME IF I CARE. 

I don't think I'm being unreasonable. I'm 168 lbs. Not 120. I can stand to lose some more and I want to!


I'm just praying, please GOD, help me lose just a couple so I can get my motivation and positive attitude back!

Because I'm not going to quit. But I'm pretty resentful of my lifestyle and situation right now.
And when I'm motivated, I resent nothing. And I feel less tired.

And since I obviously have no control over this, maybe Jesus can help.



Because what I'm doing sure as hell ain't working.